Hello world!

March 13, 2010

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Heeeey There

March 9, 2010

If you recently got a random invitation from me to read this blog it’s because I recently changed my permissions from a public to private blog which meant that I had to specificaly “invite” my people who I DO want to be able to access this (should they want

It’s my personal journal and for obvious reasons I prefer to share my thoughts with those I actually care about rather than a spam blog website that keeps “featuring” my personal blog and plastering my business all over their site.

I simply don’t want strangers reading about me…

So that’s that. I write in here every so often–mostly about things I really want to remember.


The Pursuit of Happiness

February 18, 2010

I am huge believer that happiness isn’t something you find, it’s something you create. It’s within your reach at all times. There is always something to appreciate, something to be thankful for. But I also believe that sometimes we stand in our own way of our happiness. We block ourselves from it. We don’t do what we KNOW we have to. We are taunted by things we want to do and rather than just kicking our own ass and doing those things, we make excuses, constantly finding ways to avoid addressing the real issue.

It all comes down to fear. Fear of losing, fear of succeeding. Fear of disappointment, fear of accomplishment. It is the ultimate inhibitor. But I’m tired of fearing what I don’t know, & assuming what I can’t do.

“To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong.” – Joseph Chilton Pierce

And I couldn’t agree more.

I don’t know what life has in store for me.
I don’t know if I’m meant to be a successful illustrator or designer.
But I do know that if I don’t give myself a chance to try, I’ll never know my potential, only my limitations.

Time is more valuable than anything on this planet. And right now time is what I need most.

Time to practice. Time to learn. Time to grow. Time to improve. Time to think. Time to make. Time to discover myself, what I want, and what I can contribute to the world.

So this is it. I’m ready to take the next step in my professional development. I’m kicking my own ass and telling it to get out of the way so I can be happy.

Happy knowing that I did all I could.

Resolutions & Reflections

January 3, 2010

Wow. What a year. 2009 has been quite eventful from start to finish. At 25, I already have so much to be thankful for, and a lot of that has come to me just within the past 12 months.

A wedding and honeymoon that could not have been more perfect, a beautiful & cozy new place to call home, & two new cats to round out the beginnings of our little family.

I am thankful that I still have a job, for as long as I want it, and that the past two years have made me capable of filling in some big shoes for a while. I am thankful that the time away from being creative has made me more passionate about art than ever. And I am thankful to have the support from the ones I love to even entertain the idea of pursuing what I think will make me truly happy.

But most importantly, I am thankful that my mother (who had a heart attack in July) is still with us, holding the family together as she always has. She is my best friend, and my life would mean nothing if I didn’t have her to share it with.

On this day, the second of a brand new year, I feel hopeful.

Hopeful that with enough dedication, motivation, and pure desire, I will reconnect with myself. Find that missing balance between working towards what I want while appreciating all that I have. I need to find my happy place again. Where I know how lucky I am and how I ought to be punched in the face for forgetting it at times.

I will harness my grouchiness and project more positivity. There’s no reason not to and no excuse for adding negative vibes to a world already consumed by them.

Little by little, I will do what is right for this body– this vessel on loan to me while I explore the physical world. I will stop feeding it too much and not enough. I must remember that vegetables are not my enemy and it will do me good to befriend them as soon as possible.

In short, I will take better care of myself both physically and mentally. The two are inherently symbiotic and I can’t hope to improve one state while neglecting the other.

So cheers to new beginnings. To new days, new chances, new opportunities to take our lives and start again. To me, everyday should be an awakening akin to Ebeneezer Scrooge’s: We should jump out of bed, throw back the curtains, and greet both the sunshine and rain with the euphoric declaration that comes only after divine intervention:

“I HAVEN’T MISSED IT!” I’m still here, and there’s still time.

What Could Be Better Than This?

October 18, 2009

As if my life wasn’t already blessed with things that are good and happy, in comes a kitten to make everything even better.

Miette was a five week old rescue kitty. Her sibling had been killed by a truck, and her mother was MIA. Through a lengthy route of various people’s connections, she came to me just before the wedding. Now seven weeks old, she’s growing and playing and running and jumping and biting and, I suspect, loving everything. Adam and I could not be happier to have her part of our new little family.

Destination Disney

October 18, 2009

Having never been on an extended vacation away with just Adam, it seemed our honeymoon was a good time to do that. And having never gone to Disney World, we figured that was a good place to go. And even though it was a heat wave and like a billion degrees, it could not have been more perfectly fun, adventurous, and love-filled. The time spent there one-on-one with my husband was priceless.

Pictures are worth a thousand words, so I’ll let them speak for themselves.
We had a blast.

My Words Are Not Enough

October 11, 2009

Where do I begin?
To tell the story of how great a love can be
The sweet love story that is older than the sea
The simple truth about the love he brings to me
Where do I start?

Like a summer rain
That cools the pavement with a patent leather shine
He came into my life and made the living fine
And gave a meaning to this empty world of mine
He fills my heart

He fills my heart with very special things
With angels’ songs, with wild imaginings
He fills my soul with so much love
That anywhere I go, I’m never lonely
With him along, who could be lonely
I reach for his hand, it’s always there

How long does it last?
Can love be measured by the hours in a day?
I have no answers now, but this much I can say
I’m going to need him till the stars all burn away
And he’ll be there…

-Shirley Bassey

Love Grows

August 13, 2009

For the record, I am a very lucky girl. And I need to remind myself that & appreciate it it even more…

I love the people with whom I share my life. That is where I find real meaning. Not in my job. Not in what I do. As much as I am glad to get paid every week, I know that what I do is not the only defining element to my worth as a human being. I can care & be good at my job, but at the end of the day it is just a job. You have to find other things you love in the world. Things that bring you happiness. Things that make you squeal with joy. If you know what those things are, then you can let everything else be exactly what it is without too much concern.

I am so fortunate to go home to my best friend everyday. I have, in a way, my own mini family. It truly gives me perspective– and not only that, but I still have my parents & sisters with whom I can talk everyday if I wanted. And often do. I have an entire network of wonderful people that enriches my life and makes it worth living.

And for that, I am sincerely grateful.

* * * * * * * *

In other news, wedding planning is turning out to be an interesting creative adventure. I am enjoying it. Maybe a bit too much. Being a designer has its benefits but it’s also hard to stop thinking of all the fun things I can do to make the wedding that much more uniquely us. I’m definitely getting excited, although also still nervous. I am not the person to enjoy spotlights of any kind, but I know that nothing will stop me from having the most love filled day ever.

And as excited as I am to finally be a married girl, I am perhaps a little sad that there is but a month and a half left to being engaged. It’s a very nice part of life and it has gone by rather fast. I’ll have to make the most of the next 6 weeks…

Maine: The Way Life Should Be

August 2, 2009

Friday Night: Waited out the downpour. Drove to Scarborough, ME. Checked into hotel at 8pm. Drove to & parked at downtown Old Orchard Beach. Flashing Lights. Jubilant Palace Playland music. Kids & families eating fried dough and pizza. Saw the beach at night. Rode the Matterhorn. Drove some bumper cars. Ate an ice cream cone. Walked the Pier. Went into a candy store. Was served by a young boy. Commented on Maine’s child labor/summertime help. Spent a long time browsing through a discounted book store. Ransacked the children’s book section. Unearthed some gems. Happily retired to the Hotel for the night. Watched some amazing Youtube videos and laughed insanely at Japanese binocular soccer.

Saturday: Slept til 10am. Missed breakfast. Grabbed Dunkin Donuts. Drove to Old Orchard, stole one of the last precious municipal parking spots. Walked to the beach. Splayed out in the sun & read for a bit. Played in the docile ripple-waves for a while. Water was cold but the sun was hot enough to feel good. Went to Aquaboggan water park. Rode the insanely awesome Stealth twice. Tried the other slides but was less impressed. Realized water slides are violent on your neck. Ate a hot dog & waffle fries. Swam in the wave pool for a while.

Went back to the hotel, showered, and went to the mall. (Because that’s what my family always did on vacation.) Perused Border’s children’s books. Left empty-handed for once. Ate mediocre meal at Ruby Tuesday’s. Went to the wrong Cinemagic, then righted ourselves and found the one with IMAX. Enjoyed my second viewing of Harry Potter on IMAX all by myself. Much better on a grander scale. Was very impressed by the opening sequences in 3D. Met back up with Adam and headed back to the Hotel. Stopped to get a couple pints of Ben & Jerry’s at the convenience store. Arrived at hotel to find there was no parking. Saw cars parked on grass so I decided to follow suit. But my unwisefully chosen patch of grass was a mud pit. Got the car stuck pretty good. Decided to deal with it in the morning. Tried to enjoy the rest of the night with some ice cream.

Sunday: Adam called AAA first thing and got us towed out in a jiffy. Checked out of the hotel and went to Captain’s Galley for breakfast. Stopped off at a roadside flea market where we browsed people’s old unwanted crap including samurai swords, old school nes & atari cartridges, a complete Intellevision system, and a mirad of other dust covered wares. Headed south to Ogunquit. Joined the throngs of tourists parked at the beach. Strolled the beach in the fog. Walked the shops on the streets. Spent a long while in little gift stores. Hunted for trinkety presents for the family. Headed south to go home. Automatic car wash to remove all evidence of the previous night’s mud bath. Tried to find eating establishment for late lunch. Ate some wildy under par Wild Cat Pizza. Fought sleepiness all the way home.

And now here I am, safely home and talking to myself. That’s chaos. And that’s the way it should be.

Half Blood Prince

July 17, 2009

All right. So it seems the more I think about it, the more my disappointment is hindering my enjoyment of the film. To have waited 8 extra months to see this, it should have been amazing. But instead we’re left with an anticlimactic, fluff-filled inbetweener of a movie. Cutting out crucial plot points to make way for entirely imagined scenes is blasphemy! Although I admit that the extra humor was right on and much needed, I definitely did NOT need a scene of Hermione being all “Is this how it feels when everything sucks and you wanna crawl under a rock?” As if Harry’s vast experience with the opposite sex was supposed to make him some kind of expert in loves labors lost. LAME.

More than anything I detested the convoluted Harry/Ginny relationship—WTF for changing the way they first kiss (overcome by triumph after a quiddich victory) to some super awkward kinky little rendezvous in the ROR.

As if the whole on screen Harry/Ginny attraction wasn’t shallowly developed to begin with, they took away the ONE believable moment that really could have given their relationship a bit of foundation. Ginny is, after all, not just a pretty little thing, but a feisty, athletic & courageous character. It’s no wonder book-Harry loves her. But here, movie-Ginny is no more than a creepy filacio-innuendoing little seductress. “Oh, your shoelace is untied Harry, let me just bend down and tie it for you! Oh, and want to have a little fun while I’m down here?” Also, WTF with the feeding Harry a cookie and that whole “Don’t you trust me?” line? GAG.


But even more ridiculous is that:
A.) the movie is called Half Blood Prince. The screenwriter would have done well to remember that we don’t just want to know that it was Snape’s book Harry was cheating with–we want to know WHY the F he calls himself a PRINCE. The whole lack of back story is insane.

B.) Ok, so most films go through a typical pacing structure, wherein the entire plot of the movie leads up to a crucial moment of tension, known by those nerdy book-reading types as a “climax.” I know it’s a big idea here, but um….I think they forgot that part. Not that watching Draco’s secret mission unfold wasn’t fascinating, but I’m just not satisfied with the whole point in infiltration was to culminate with Belatrix pitching a fit and kicking around some goblets in the great hall. I get that they want to save the Hogwarts battle scenario for the last movies, but then they should have really done better justice to the writhing intensity of the Cave sequence, which brings me to

C.) DUMBLEDORE DIES, and I didn’t even care (that much). Where was the unbearable struggle of Harry to force feed old Dumbly the poison? He should have been losing his mind over that shit. Michael Gambon was much improved this time around but this scene needed to verge on being so unbearable for us to watch that we cover our eyes so as not to see the torment of our beloved professor! Only then can we truly understand how far he is brave enough to go in the effort to defeat Voldy, and only then does it make the rest of his final moments on earth that much more emotional.

D.) Harry should absolutely have been paralyzed as he watches the final action unfold from below. Not only would it have been the only believable way for him to be so passive when Snape enters the scene, it would have tied the whole story together full circle (paralleling the train incident at the beginning).

E.) Give the man a proper burial! WTF with the rock concert send off? Yes, I liked the idea of everyone coming together to rid the castle’s sky of the Dark Mark, but they should have beamed up their spells like a Patronus charm rather than the dim glow of some kind of magical bedside reading light. Also, please, please, please no more crying Harry Potter. It’s not good and I don’t like it.

F.) F is for FAILURE. Failure to unravel more than .0002% of the main point of the movie: HORCRUXES. How can Harry possibly hope to understand and uncover them in the next movies if he has nothing to go on? Not enough Voldy memories were shown and Dumbledore provided him very little in this area. This should have had so much weight and gravity to it since it’s the entire key to the downfall of the Dark Lord. Grumble.

Minor Points:

G.) Dumbledore should not make small talk about teen love. Never ask about Harry’s lovelife, Old Man.

H.) I liked when Harry touched the ring horcrux and had that whole dark magic flashback. Nicely done. Like the low vibrations of the One Ring.

I.) Also, not enough Weasly’s Wizard Wheezies. Loved it. Wanna work there.

J.) J is for JK Rowling. Overall, the one comforting thing I CAN say is that she signed off on all of this and if she likes the movie, I guess it’s good enough for me!