Archive for November, 2006

Honesty….the best policy

November 30, 2006

Sometimes you just have to say what’s on your mind, sometimes you just have to be honest with yourself, you have to accept your feelings, analyze them, scrutinize them, but ultimately accept and validate them so that you can move forward. It’ s amazing that simply acknowledging that which lingers in the dark recesses of an otherwise perfect state of being is exactly what is required to retain that state of perfection.

What I’m saying is that we all must be honest with ourselves. And in turn, we must be honest with those who mean the most to us. It is a commitment, a promise, an indication of loyalty to keep all parties informed. To leave them in the dark only results in an inflamation of things which began as merely small anomalies. Silence creates tension, unwanted and unintentional distance within the most imtimate relationship you have.

Yet the hardest part is not in being honest, but rather in the willingness to listen and understand. I think it is of very strong character not to be defensive, but open and vulnerable. Because that’s what we are.

A relationship will only work when you work together and you work at it. And yes, sometimes things are absolutely perfect and easy. And then sometimes they require a bit more patience, more care. More attention. But that’s just the way of it. That’s what keeps it from reverting from a beautiful, living, breathing, evolving state of wonder to a state of banality where things are taken for granted.

So take a deep breath. Stop and take it all in. Because what we have is so good.

We just have to do what it takes to keep it that way.

Our happily ever after starts now.


Put Yourself In My New Shoes

November 15, 2006

OOOOF. Adam gave me the brand stinking new Shins album, Wincing the Night Away, before it even came out. I’ve been listening to it alot, its very, very different from Chutes Too Narrow and Oh, Inverted World, but I must say that as much a track like “Sea Legs” is a departure from any sound that at all resembles the Shins sound, its still fricken awesome. The entire album is brilliant, although not your typical jangly poppy happy Shinness. Love it. Highly recommended. Phantom Limb, Sleeping Lessons, Red Rabbits, Australia…. Oh man, they’re all so good…


On to other matters! This weekend I worked on Saturday and then drove to Adam’s in P-town and stayed the night. We watched Captain Correlli’s Mandolin and I must say I quite liked it. A bit sad, but the music is beautiful. Oh, if only I could play an instrument like the mandolin! On Sunday we got off to a decent start (woke up around 8:30 and didn’t go back to sleep) but the rain made me not really want to get out of bed and go anywhere. We finally left his apartment around noon and drove to Scituate and stopped to visit his mom for about an hour before continuing our drive to Storrs for the Connecticut Children’s Book Festival at UCONN. After a bit of confusion in finding Rome Hall, we finally followed the red Clifford paws that led us up to the second floor and a room filled with many new children’s books. Unfortunately, after making the rounds to all the tables, we discovered that there really were not many quality illustrations to be found. I was very dissapointed, as I had hoped I might find some absolute gems… but instead Adam found the one really cute book in the whole place. After he bought it we made our way back to the car and continued our rainy journey back to my house, listening to the new Shins cd on the way.

Sunday evening Erica and Loren came to my house for a tasty spaggetti dinner wonderfully prepared by me mum. We ate in the dinning room which made it feel like some fancy holiday or something. I really enjoyed myself and had a blast sharing funny stories and having the opportunity to interact more personally with Loren, because I guess I didn’t feel like I’d really had the chance to previous. And then one way or another it was decided that we had to watch the embarrasing home videos that Amber, Brittany, Erica, Brian and I did when we were little– which includes me always playing the boy. And in this instance, a completely gross, belching “Dude.” Granted I was about 10 when we made these movies, but it still makes me cringe to see myself at that age, revelling in the completely unfeminine casting. But whatever. Everyone seemed to find them amusing and nostalgic- and I will give up any and all self-respect for a laugh, as clearly evident by my performances….

Later Sunday night, Adam and I watched Lisa Williams’ show, about her life as a medium and clairvoyant. The show is really cool and she seems dead on in her readings. I love her bouncy personality and down to earthness… wouldn’t it be crazy to have a reading with her…

I can’t quite rememeber but I believe the rest of Sunday probably involved some playing of Mario Cart and other such activites, including Adam playing Britt’s trombone. Considering he hadn’t played in a long time I was very impressed with what he remembered of it. I love it when Adam comes to my house, its just so relaxing and enjoyable. Even if we do little to nothing… I love it. But this time we got to have a pretty important discussion about my responsibilites as an artist if I’m to make a career out of it. It was kind of a much needed kick in the pants, from both Adam and my mom. But even though it’s going to be challenging, having their support is so important to me. I really can’t say how much it means for them to shake me up every once in a while, its so easy for me to just ignore what I need to do, revert to my self, and hope things work themselves out. But I know I can’t be that way. I have to be smart about my job as an artist. I know I can make a career out of it with the right mindset. And having a new perspective on things can only be beneficial.

Oh boy. I just have to focus.

On Monday, Adam and I slept pretty late, lounged about for a while, and then Amber and Jon came over with their new Conure bird. He’s gorgeous and has a lot of personality. A bird that actually wants to be held, pet, and essentially cuddled is pretty damn cool. I don’t think they’ve quite settled on a name yet (they might go with Gobo, like the Fraggle) but I also liked Adam’s suggested “Kiwi.” And I learned that you can’t tell the sex of a bird unless you get it genetically tested–which means they kind of need a unisex name… strange.

I had to go to work at 3:15, so I left Adam to do his work while I went and taught my second week of Tales to Tell. The class is going well, there’s 3 kids in it but only two were there last night. Maureen seemed to really like the handouts and activities I had planned so I felt good about that. And I had a lot of fun hearing what they had to say and creating with them…they’re both really sweet, quite motivated kids. After class Maureen talked with me about whether I’d be around and interested in teaching a class in January. So I may do another focus class, this time a Portrait class for 9-12 year olds. We can work in a variety of mediums from paint to clay to torn/cut paper. It sounds like fun to me, so I told her I could probably do it.
I got home a bit after 6, played Mario Cart with Adam, then grabbed some BK and took it home to eat. We watched the new episode of Lisa Williams, packed up, and headed back to Providence. I stayed the night again and left this morning around 9:30.

For those who hate my stupid sappy passages of blog, I’ll end this week’s post here.

But for those that would like to revel in being in love, I’ll just say that I my life is so good right now. And as much as I hate the whole distance thing, it just makes the time we have together that much more important. I can’t wait for the day when we won’t have to go days between seeing each other. I can’t wait for a time when I no longer have to spend the night alone in my own bed. There is absolutely nothing better than sharing the place in which you sleep. Falling asleep holding hands. Or the little moments through the night when you wake with your arm on their chest. Or when you wake up at the very same time, give each other a sleepy smile, and fall back asleep. There is nothing in the world that can compare to that level of intimacy and contentedness. It has been a year now, and yet it feels as shiny and new and magical as if it was the first night we had a sleepover– me in my room and him on an inflatable bed in the living room, with the serta sheep on loan from my collection.
I still can’t believe I have anyone, let alone THE one. It couldn’t be more of what I wanted, what I needed, what I waited so long for. It’s romantic. It’s amazing. It’s exciting. It’s comforting. It’s easy. It’s peaceful. It’s beautiful. It’s real. And it’s still just beginning.

It’s just so overwhelming at times.

We are standing on the rooftops
We are circling like sparrows
We are tiny, we are trembling,
Scared of everything
But the heart is still a red wing

Fly above the houses and the schoolyards
And fly until you cannot feel the Earth
No I don’t mean that it’s so easy
And I don’t mean that it’s so small
But the world below is not so mean
That it can make us fall

We are standing on the rooftops
We are circling like sparrows
We are tiny, we are trembling,
Scared of everything
But the heart is still a red wing