Archive for November, 2008

Finally, Reflection.

November 19, 2008

My apologies to myself for letting so much time go by between when I last posted. I should have known better. I wanted to take a moment to reflect about all that was going on, but I also wanted to give myself adequate time to process it all.

So anyway, I am ready now.

Here goes.

Sometimes I feel so fortunate, so kindly blessed by the powers of the universe, so unbelievably and unfathomably happy that I inversely and overwhelmingly feel terrified that my good fortune will suddenly extinguish back into the void of inexplicable nothingness from whence it came.

But it is against this feeling that I constantly struggle. Everyday forcing those fear-born thoughts back into the subconscious so that I might enjoy this wonderous and mysterious state of being I can only call “joy.”

So anyway.

I’m engaged!
Let’s start with that.

From the first month of dating Adam until now, I have always known that it couldn’t get any better, it couldn’t be any more right. We are the ideal pairing of personalities. He is everything that I could have wanted in a boyfriend, a best friend, and now, as it is, in a life-long companion. He is my loyal supporter. He is my intellectual and artistic compliment. With him I aspire to be a more optimistic and hopeful person. A better person. In the three years that we have been together we have perpetuated growth in one another in so much of who we are and what we do. It is my hope and belief that we will always galvanize each other in this way. To be better, to do better, and to love and support each other and see to it that we do our part to allow ourselves to find and keep this shared happiness.

It is for that reason in particular that our relationship has remained as fresh as it was all those days and months and years ago. We have not allowed ourselves the comfort of taking what we have for granted. Instead it is treated as something precious that must be appreciated and maintained so that it will last.

And it is for all those reasons that marriage has never intimidated me, even at twenty-four years old. It is a natural step that we must take together. And I for one could not be happier or more excited to do so.

So on Sunday, October 19th, two years, eleven months, and thirteen days since he first asked me to be his girlfriend, Adam proposed in the most befitting way imaginable: Sturbridge Village, next to the barn, surrounded by freshly grazen sheep, and accompanied by two of the loveliest ladies ever, Casey & Ayla. Up until then the day itself had already been perfect. Colonial atmosphere, farm animals. A baby calf. The smell of wood stove and hot apple cider. Chocolate chip cookies. Crisp, cold air. And autumn leaves crunching under our feet. SO many of my favorite things. And around 4 o’clock, the sheep that had been out to pasture all day finally came back to their pen in the center of the village for an early supper. Adam suggested that we go over to them, so he led the way. Then he suggested that the two of us take a picture in front of them. Once the onlookers were out of the way, he handed Ayla the camera (which was on video mode). He then proceeds to get down on one knee, hand reaching into pocket to reveal a little black box. It all happened rather quickly, but in the seconds that it took to take this ceremonial stance, I was in not only disbelief that the moment was actually happening, but in absolute shock that my suspicions had been right!

All day long I had the most indismissible feeling that he was going to propose. From the moment he wouldn’t leave his bag in the car at the begining of the day, to all the extra hugs and kisses peppered throughout the afternoon, to the few seconds prior when his hands were hidden in the pocket of his jacket.

I was so distracted by the fact that it was happening, I couldn’t fully process the reality before me. So rather than get overly emotional, I was surprisingly calm. It was so surreal. And funny. And ironic. And happy. And perfect. And to make it even more perfect, the ring was upside-down when he presented it, which I subsequently had to turn over myself. But once I finally glimpsed the ring, I was more than surprised. It was stunning– more beautiful (and generous) than I could even have imagined for myself.

So of course I accepted! It was really meaningful to have Casey and Ayla there to share the event with us, especially since we have a video of the whole thing which is pretty cool. And although I’ve wondered how it might have been different had it been just us, I wouldn’t trade that sequence of events for any other. It was absolutely perfect.

After he proposed we made our way arm in arm back across the village green where we saw old fashioned hot air balloons lifting off in the center of town. Again, how ideal! Then we spent some time riding a sheep statue and taking pictures. After that we visited the bookstore/gift shop, browsing the children’s books and me all the while in my head thinking: “WOW. Did that really just happen?” It was the most exhilarating feeling I have ever experienced.

After our adventure at Sturbridge Village, we all met up with my parents at Kahula’s chinese restaurant (my parent’s favorite) and I had the pleasure of sharing the good news with them. They were of course very happy for me, but they had been forewarned that it was coming so they were definitely more prepared for it than I was. After dinner we drove back to Scituate and told his parents the happy news. It could not have been a better series of visits. Sharing our happiness with our parents really means a lot to us both.

The only downside to it all was that I felt a bit guilty for not getting more emotional during the actual proposal. I was worried that I had disappointed Adam by denying him some kind of epic reaction. But even Adam admitted that he had planned to say a lot more than what he was actually able to get out in the moment. Anyways, I certainly made up for my lack of emotion since then, crying unexpectedly from happiness every night for a week following.

So here I am. One month and one day later, finding myself making preparations for our wedding. And as surreal and daunting as it feels, it is really quite enjoyable. I am finding it fun to think about the planning of it all– its really just another creative outlet I suppose!

We’ve even already found our IDEAL location, and will be putting a deposit down soon to reserve our date: Friday, October 2, 2009. It will be held at Webb Barn in Old Wethersfield, CT… just minutes from my house! It is a big, beautiful, old barn on the grounds of an historical house museum, on a very colonial historic New England Main street. There is a beautiful back garden for the ceremony, and plenty of pretty places for pictures. We want the wedding to be elegantly rustic, simple, and clean. Autumnal and intimate. And most of all, full of everyone we love!

So that’s that. I’m sure to be spending a lot of time planning and preparing over the coming months, but I know it will all be worthwhile!

In other news. Just a few things to note so I don’t forget anything:

Last Friday I spent the day giving three presentations to the 5th, 4th, and 3rd graders of Keeney Elementary School. It was my first ever illustrator visit and I was unbelievably nervous! In the end I got through it just fine and really did enjoy myself. I also learned a valuable lesson that kids have a lot of questions and the best thing you can do as a presenter is to let them ask them. It was really rewarding to be able to go back and talk about my experiences and share my artwork with students at a school that I went to. It was my ultimate hope that I might spark some sort of inspiration to them, and I like to think I might have. Its a really good feeling to get to be part of such a postive thing, and I think they really enjoyed it. It was really funny to be autographing books and postcards, and getting asked by several kids if they could have my paintings. It’s especially nice to be able to do something like this while I’m still relatively young, because I think it really invites a different kind of respect and level of interaction with kids. So yeah. Kids are great and I’m so fortunate to have something exciting to offer them.

I can’t believe Thanksgiving is next week. I am totally excited for the holidays and although there’s much to be done at work, I’m trying my best to enjoy everything after hours. Cory is visiting this weekend and it’s sure to be AWESOME.

Over and out.